happy days

really. its been a great week. the weather finally turned today but oh well. sunny and gorgeous otherwise.
i am having problems with the new beta blog thing its not as easy or am i going bout it the wrong way?
so the democrats took back the house and the senate. and donald rumsfeld resigned. john bolton might be next as he was never actually approved by the senate, appointed when the senate was out of session. then to finally have a female speaker. doesnt that make her 3rd in line to the presidency? god ap govt was soo long ago. mr. weldon was that his name?
anyway i hope this change means something. i really do.
and while this is going on, what on earth is going on in gaza?

these days

I've been out walking
I don't do too much talking
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to.

I've stopped my rambling,
I don't do too much gambling
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think about
How all the changes came about my ways
And I wonder if I'll see another highway.

I had a lover,
I don't think I'll risk another
These days, these days.
And if I seem to be afraid
To live the life that I have made in song
It's just that I've been losing so long.
La la la la la, la la.

I've stopped my dreaming,
I won't do too much scheming
These days, these days.
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten.
Please don't confront me with my failures,
I had not forgotten them.
~nico

in my mind im gone to carolina, now listening to mr james taylor, i'll never forget listening to him and also tenacious d on the way to carolina.
you know when you laugh rather than cry?

i think what i hate about depression the most is that im really so grateful, so astounded by my life, my circumstances, but somehow that gets sucked away and
i forget
i forget
~its called irony
when you most need to move you got no energy~


yes im gone to carolina in my mind . . . im gone say nice things about me
ah no. the next song on james taylors greatest hits is fire and rain. oh this song.

there is a young cowboy who lives on the range his horse and his cattle are his only companions he works in the saddle and sleeps in the canyon . . . thinking about
There is a young cowboy, he lives on the range.
His horse and his cattle are his only companions.
He works in the saddle and he sleeps in the canyons,
waiting for summer, his pastures to change.
And as the moon rises he sits by his fire, thinking about women and glasses of beer.
And closing his eyes as the doggies retire, he sings out a song which is soft but it's clear
as if maybe someone could hear:

Goodnight you moon light ladies, rock-a-bye sweet baby James.
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose, won't you let me go down in my dreams?
And rock-a-bye sweet baby James.

Now the first of December was covered with snow
and so was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston.
Though the Berkshires seemed dreamlike on account of that frosting,
with ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to go.
There's a song that they sing when they take to the highway,
a song that they sing when they take to the sea,
a song that they sing of their home in the sky,
maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep,
but singing works just fine for me.

So, goodnight you moon light ladies, rock-a-bye sweet baby James.
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose, won't you let me go down in my dreams?
And rock-a-bye sweet baby James.

Can a Muslim be a good American?

CAN A GOOD MUSLIM BE A GOOD AMERICAN?

I forwarded that question to a friend that worked in Saudi Arabia for 20 years.

The following is his forwarded reply:

Theologically - no. Because his allegiance is to Allah, the moon god of Arabia.

Religiously - no. Because no other religion is accepted by his Allah except Islam (Quran, 2:256)

Scripturally - no. Because his allegiance is to the five pillars of Islam and the Quran (Koran).

Geographically - no Because his allegiance is to Mecca, to which he turns in prayer five times a day.

Socially - no. Because his allegiance to Islam forbids him to make friends with Christians or Jews.

Politically - no. Because he must submit to the mullah (spiritual leaders), who teach annihilation of Israel and Destruction of America, the great Satan.

Domestically - no. Because he is instructed to marry four women and Beat and scourge his wife when she disobeys him (Quran 4:34).

Intellectually - no. Because he cannot accept the American Constitution since it is based on Biblical principles and he believes the Bible to be corrupt.

Philosophically - no. Because Islam, Muhammad, and the Quran do not allow freedom of religion and expression Democracy and Islam cannot coexist. Every Muslim government is either dictatorial or autocratic.

Spiritually - no. Because when we declare "one nation under God," the Christian's God is loving and kind, while Allah is NEVER referred to as heavenly father, nor is he ever called love in The Quran's 99 excellent names.

Therefore after much study and deliberation....perhaps we should be very suspicious of ALL MUSLIMS in this country. They obviously cannot be both "good" Muslims and good Americans. Call it what you wish....it's still the truth.

If you find yourself intellectually in agreement with the above statements, perhaps you will share this with your friends. The more who understand this, the better it will be for our country and our future.

Pass it on Fellow Americans. The religious war is bigger than we know or understand.

Besides the logic being utterly specious, fallacious, and rife with non-sequiturs and circular reasoning, (primarily relying upon the timeworn faulty "No True Scotsman" argument) it preys on the ignorance of the paranoid. A little bit of scrutiny and critical thinking will expose this propaganda for what it really is: hate masquerading as "patriotism".

Can a Good Muslim be a Good American?

Theologically -- How is one theologically American? Is God American? Is America a theocracy? Can not atheists be American? The Native Americans did not worship Jehovah, but I would propose that they are more "American" than many.

Thomas Jefferson said, "I am for freedom of religion, & against all maneuvres to bring about a legal ascendancy of one sect over another." John Adams said, "this nation of ours was not founded on Christian principles." If the Founding Fathers intended for America to be an exclusively Christian nation, it is curious that they did not say so. Did not even their forbears, the Pilgrims and the Puritans, come to this land to escape religious persecution and intolerance?

There is no theological requirement for American citizenship. On the contrary, the First Amendment states, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof". Therefore, the suggestion that there is such a thing as an "American theology" is fundamentally UN-AMERICAN.

Furthermore, the word "ALLAH" does not refer to a god, but is a word that means THE (only) GOD. It is the same God (and the word derives from the same root) as the Hebrew ELOAH, which is the God of the Old Testament from which Christians derive their own concept of Deity. The fact that Muslims' concept of the ONE GOD differs from Christians' concept of the ONE GOD is irrelevant. There is no consensus even among American Christians regarding the attributes of the One God, merely that He is only One! In this, Jews, Christians, and Muslims are in complete agreement, and conceptually their monotheistic beliefs have the exact same origin!

Religiously -- Is there an American religion? It would seem that pesky Bill of Rights expressly would forbid such a thing. Americans did not invent Christianity, neither do they own some kind of a monopoly on the thing. America is NOT a Christian nation, though it may happen to be a nation inhabited by a large number of people who view themselves as Christians. Being a Christian doesn't make you American any more than being eating french fries makes you French. There is no religious requirement to being American.

Does the God of the Christian accept other religions other than that of the Christian? Does the God of the Catholic accept the religion of the Protestant? Does the God of the Baptist accept the religion of the Lutheran? Does the God of the Christian accept the Jew? If not, then it's rather difficult to cast aspersions on the God of the Muslim for prefering the religion of the Muslim.

Scripturally -- What are the scriptural requirements of Americanism? THERE ARE NONE. But pray tell, what are these frightful "five pillars of Islam"? They are:
1) faith in the Oneness of God and the prophethood of Muhammed,
2) five daily prayers,
3) concern and almsgiving for the needy,
4) self-purification through fasting,
5) pilgrimage to the holy site of Mecca for those who are able.

Sounds pretty terrible. And UN-American. Everyone knows REAL Americans don't give a crap about the needy or fasting.

Geographically -- What consequence does the direction one faces have upon one's nationality? Do we lose our citizenship upon facing east, or any other direction -- or even upon crossing the borders of our country into another? A person born on US soil and living his or her entire life outside the country can STILL be an American. Non-sequitur. There are no geographical (or directional!) restrictions on Americanism.

Socially -- Americans must be friends with everyone; you CANNOT be an American unless you are. That is one of our rules, in the Constitution, I think. There are, of course, exceptions. Republicans need not necessarily befriend non-Republicans, and if you are white, you don't have to be friends with non-whites.

Strange, though -- I HAVE had Muslim friends over the years, yet I am not Muslim. How to explain this? Perhaps they did not realize that they are "forbidden" from being my friend, just as 2 Corinthians 6:14 seems to suggest that Christians ought not to befriend non-Christians. 2 John 1:7 seems to suggest that anyone who does not believe in Christ is "a deceiver and and antichrist", which puts one in a bit of a quandary -- are Christians allowed to be friends with antichrists?

Politically -- What makes a person "politically" American? Are all Americans required to hold identical political views? Obviously not, but this person is not even talking about politics! Are there some mullahs that teach radical and anti-West rhetoric? Sure, and they happen to be mainly members of a hard-line fundamentalist sect known as the Taliban. But if you want to make assertions about 1.3 BILLION people by the actions or beliefs of a tiny little fringe group, then maybe you can tell us how say, the Branch Davidians are representative of Seventh Day Adventists, Americans, and/or Christians in general? These are the fallacies of " biased sample" and "hasty generalization".

Anyway, it's hard to understand why 8,000,000 - 10,000,000 Muslims would live in the United States if they all believed America was the "Great Satan".

Domestically -- This particular passage in the Koran makes no mention of the number of wives that a man may possess -- though Islam may permit up to four. Let us not forget that polygyny was endorsed by God in the Bible, and numerous prophets had multiple wives which God gave them. Christ said, "think not that I am come to destroy the law or the prophets; I am come not to destroy them but to fulfill." (Matt. 5:17) Notably, Christ teaches the Parable of the Ten Virgins, where a bridegroom is to marry 10 women in Matthew 25:1-13. If he found something inherently wrong with or unusual about polygamy, it would be strange for him to use it as a the basis for this instructional narrative.

This passage does instruct a husband to physically punish his wife if she is disobedient. Who cares? The Bible is not noted for its particularly enlightened views on the equality of women to men, either, most familiarly with regard to the teachings of Paul. But, one might argue, the Bible was written by a patriarchal people 2000 years ago -- times have changed since then! Indeed they have. Yet perhaps the Founding Fathers did not intend EVEN INTEND for women to be equal to men, or else, would women have needed to wait until 1920 to earn the right to vote? Which is more "American" -- the way the Founding Fathers intended it originally, or the way it is today?

But if you want to pick and choose disturbing verses from ancient religious texts upon which to formulate your opinions about the faiths' adherents, I particularly like commandments such as the one that insists a son that curseth his parent be put to death by stoning (Ex. 21:17), a person be killed for defiling the Sabbath (Ex. 31:14), or that any person who touches something touched by a menstruating woman becomes ritually unclean (Lev. 15:19). No one makes a fuss about these bizarre commandments that Christians themselves ignore, though it seems, following the same logic, that a Christian's reverence toward the Bible, which demands the life of a Sabbath-breaker, is just as un-American IF NOT MORE as a Muslim's reverence toward the Koran, that mentions a woman may be physically punished (not killed, mind you!) for disobedience.

In any case, I'm afraid one's neither propensity for polyamory nor domestic abuse preclude one from being American.

Intellectually -- FALSE. The Constitution is not "based on Biblical principles", or if it is, which ones, exactly? Certainly not the Principle of Familial Division, taught by Jesus in Luke 12: "Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division. The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father."

Probably not the Principle of Animal Sacrifice, nor the Principle of Tithing. Not even the Principles of Loving One Another or Turning the Other Cheek are mentioned in the Constitution, and those are pretty nice ones, even. One Biblical principle that the Founding Fathers DO seem to have provided for is that of Slave Ownership (Lev. 25:44) -- but since having abolished it in 1865, perhaps our country is no longer as Biblically-rooted OR as American as they Founding Fathers intended.

One need not be intellectual to be American. In many cases it seems to be a hindrance.

Philosophically -- FALSE. Or else we have to ask ourselves why Patriot Numero Uno GWB is trying to establish a democracy in Iraq; it seems like a mighty waste of time if "democracy and Islam cannot coexist". Ignore the rather inconvenient fact that Turkey is an Islamic democracy. Perhaps Asians and democracy cannot coexist either -- I notice that most Asians live in a communist country.

Spiritually -- There is no uniquely American spirituality. More importantly, one need not be a monotheist to be spiritual! Moreover, it makes no difference whether most Americans think God is "loving and kind", "has a physical body", "sports a fluffy white beard", or "loves the color pink". One's opinions about the attributes of God have no bearing on that person's spirituality, and most importantly of all, spirituality is not a prerequisite for being American!

Therefore, after much study and deliberation, perhaps we should be VERY SUSPICIOUS of overzealous paranoid pseudopatriots with shoddy logic and axes to grind. Call it what you wish -- IT'S STILL THE TRUTH.

The more people who start thinking critically, the better it will be for our country and our future.

As for religious wars, I'm not interested in fighting any. The enemy of ignorance is knowledge, and those who lack it don't need to be "fought", they need to be enlightened.

America is not a country of conformists. We love this country because it gives us the freedom to be ourselves -- Americans -- in whatever way we choose. Nothing could be MORE un-American than to insist that those with differing viewpoints from one's own cannot be "patriots".

love rain

great song by jill scott~version with mos def
love rain down on me, down on me . . .
so deep exhale. beautiful day. no rain, blue blue skies with no clouds. must treasure. early morning sun. birds singing. sound of wind upon (? struggling for right word) leaves. before the disappearing act of winter.
exhale. i cant quite believe it see today i woke up easy and the sinking sad feeling was gone. i know what to do. study. got my job back ya see. another chance. somewhere someone really wants me to be a doctor.
keep coming up with ideas. green as in environmental is fashionable people pay crazy money for organic this and that, a status thing almost. i want a solar powered charger for my laptop. use rainwater in toilets

~girl did a science experiment went to fast food restaurants, took ice they put in drinks, sample of water from toilets in the place
toilet water was invariably cleaner than the ice.~

ways to combat waste, all those bus dart phone top-up pieces of paper. music cds, dvds not encased in never degrading plastic. magazines/papers using recycled paper, avoiding dyes, chemicals, etc.
i do love my national geographics though.
the energy of the gale force winds that make us cyclists appear rather quixotic.
right use of word? never used quixotic before. had to check spelling.
back to the winds surely they could power something. environmentally friendly hotels.
one i worked at was a disaster. restaurants. they've figured out a way to take kitchen grease and make it into fuel for cars.
just need an entrepreneur to make it happen
time to get moving half marathon next weekend have been so bad about running plus football will be on soon sky prem plus is such a scam . . .

a whiter shade of pale

procul harum

We skipped the light fandango
turned cartwheels 'cross the floor
I was feeling kinda seasick
but the crowd called out for more . . .


watching isle of wright festival footage from this year and it had the, or ok, some of the original band members playing this song
just have such vivid vivid memories of this song.

8th grade graduation. the saab. it was just me, mam, and dad, babysitter with the rest. and i remember getting into the back of that car and the backseat speakers were always so loud

aoife timoney always teased me about the one time da drove me and her to a cross-country meet and she sat in the back of the saab and of course the windows were down
u2 blaring and

well in the backseat you couldnt here much else beyond music
aoife your dad is so cool
just how i'd imagine an irish dad would be

so in the backseat after the graduation ceremony i was troubled by~


She said, 'There is no reason
and the truth is plain to see.'. .
If music be the food of love
then laughter is its queen
and likewise if behind is in front
then dirt in truth is clean
My mouth by then like cardboard
seemed to slip straight through my head
So we crash-dived straightway quickly
and attacked the ocean bed


then the parents said something really meaningful and true in the christ the king parking lot. and we went to atomic. my first time at atomic cafe.
if i'd known then about the amount of time i'd end up spending there . . . but i remember the decor and loving it (linda and philpot-so remember those fish). and the chocolate dessert . .
so thats what i think of when i hear 'whiter shade of pale'
one of the many reasons i adore music. what a couple notes can reduce ya too

in a strange situation. im not quite myself. but my brother really isnt. himself. ive been hiding in my room for a while. i came home to this mad anger.
theres justified anger and well
now he's screaming just outside my room.

ever see the house on haunted hill? the original black and white film?
what makes that film ten times scarier than the updated catherine zeta-jones version is that it shows something im terrified of
how scary is it to find yourself almost losing it?
in my mind what makes the older movie version so much better

theres no distracting soundtrack or cgi,
nothing to watch but a woman losing her mind.

and that is so frightening
how many steps are any of us from the edge?
you know. there's days when you get almost there.

i hear so much stuff being broken . . . oh brother
a whiter shade of pale

fire and rain

indulge me for a moment
but i adore that james taylor song

Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone.
Suzanne the plans they made put an end to you.
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song,
I just can't remember who to send it to.
I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I'd see you again.

cut to the core. oh what a cliche. everyone should read george orwell's 'why i write'
but really. apparently according to my brother, i am a 'sad story'
only accelerating on that downhill tumble
slide, spiral,
but for him to call me that
oh
i want to retaliate as a sister would, well you're, you, let me tell you about how lost you are . . .

i do feel lost though. if i pushed it to the point where these exams are either pass or goodbye. if i continue to somehow rationalize behavior i know will only hurt my chances. does that mean i dont really want to be a doctor? does that mean i just dont?
what if i forever regret this moment? this time in my life? and in hindsight yell at myself, girl why couldnt you get yourself together
what if?
i know im not right. right by my standards (which i know can differ drastically from others)
but i havent been me for such a long time i wonder

i dont want to be a sad story. i hate this feeling. i know im capable of so much, so much that ive gotten to cruise along with little effort. what could i do if i really went for it?
blah.

yeah but no

Where was your soul born?[pics + detailed answeres]

Your soul was born in the Sky.You have a free soul and you hate to be tied down. You love a good challenge and you love to compete with your friends. You're very kind and open-minded. You accept anyone as longs as the person doesn't try to hold you down. You have a habit of bending and sometimes breaking rules, but you're very careful with stepping over lines. You might break some rules but you also have respect for them. You're element is Air. You're unpredictable and people can never figure out what you will do next. You're admirable and many people look up to you. You do you best to capture the day and make the most out of it. You're honest, but sometimes your honesty can hurt people. Remember that you're not boring just because you're serious sometimes. Sometimes you need to be serious to get respect from others. You can't joke everything away.
Take this quiz!








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these days . . . .

so ive that song by nico stuck in my head.
I've been out walking
I don't do too much talking
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to.


royal tenebaums soundtrack

not very cheery i know but sometimes anyways so myspace is pissing me off
but yesterday i heard a very funny story about the snooping on myspace and it made
me feel better, to know like, that i wasnt the only stalker out there. not so much
stalker as bizarrely interested in the lives of people ive never met.
but i guess thats kinda what reading other people's blogs are all about

how i love tracy chapman. id no idea how i missed her. thing is that the songs
still ring true. which is sad. 'fast car' indeed. the fast and the furious.
sunday i went for a walk to the beach cause some fool didnt believe me when i
told him that there was one.
come on now la, why ya gonna do that.
so walked and walked to the beach, it was really windy but sunny. then along the beach.
some mad one out kite surfing. gale force? maybe? winds. looks like so much fun


You got a fast car
I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I’d always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me'd find it
I got no plans I ain’t going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

I remember when we were driving driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

ok dunno whats going on with the font. so the sky was amazing, the clouds.
article on the weather. and a quote from shaw's 'john bull's other island,' describing
the irish weather-the thing that makes the irish and english so different.
walking in silence not awkward. behind could see these huge storm clouds, sure
the winds blowing so fast it'll just bypass us. the first raindrop i thought something had hit my face and then the heavens well. kindly was given a coat. chivalry is not dead! or it doesnt have to be, read this bit in a magazine somewhere about a publication called 'chap' for the modern gentleman.

“I find it sad that by not talking about who I sleep with, that makes me mysterious. There was a time when I would have been called a gentleman.” ~ Kevin Spacey

whoah scary~bro put some of his tunes on my computer. if i was to commit the same offence . .
just to go from tracy to korn or something along those delightful lines.

back to the epic walk so we got drenched. turning home, first thought was shit, is there some other way cause this is straight into the wind. keep going, and the sun is trying can see it just peeking out naturally do a little sun dance. and the sky. we see 2 rainbows. absolutely perfect parabolas, the inner one colors (colours?) so bright almost unreal, then second farther out darker hue. kept stopping though wet and now cold to look.
just one of those days.
now listening to joni mitchell. rather obsessed.
The last time I saw richard was detroit in 68,
And he told me all romantics meet the same fate someday
Cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe
You laugh, he said you think youre immune, go look at your eyes
Theyre full of moon
You like roses and kisses and pretty men to tell you
All those pretty lies, pretty lies
When you gonna realise theyre only pretty lies
Only pretty lies, just pretty lies

living alone. i miss it. must go to sleep

changes

ever feel like you're in the midst of a life-changing situation? can't see necessarily where it will go, but know somehow that things are already fundamentally different.
3 things that can never be taken back=the spoken word, the lost opportunity, and the spent arrow.
after getting to work on my tan for a couple days back to lovely irish 'summer' weather. because i planned a bbq, it rained.
why do people say insincere things? when you lie to someone else, are you not also lyiing to yourself?
bit unsteady, temper flared last night. not used to getting angry. i keep in check, stay silent, don't pass comment but its like ive these flash points (jaysus isnt that some kind of military term, how it is infiltrating my life)
protest at 2pm. might yet still go.
so i dont get mad often but when i do ah still shaking. i threw the hugest tantrum ever at the mezz. now i feel embarrassed, want to apologize, but ok
why is that my default reaction? oh im sorry for getting upset? im sorry that you treated me like shit and i wasnt taking it and so turned on you?
toyed with the idea of a boy. after the last couple days though, being around girls who tell me they're seeing these 'great' guys. and so continue with the analysis and im like em, no thats not really on, is it? you dont really accept that type of behavior do you?
you're really that scared of being alone?
who's to blame in those situations? the person giving it, the other accepting? talking about very young relationships, no heavy emotional input. at which point, id say, goodbye and good luck, walk.
could go on, and on. but stomach is crying for some food. starting to affect my mood like. bit cranky feeling my age. oh i hope i dont turn into a bitter old woman.
if only it was sunny.

WHAT THE FUCK?

is going on? i cant believe whats happening in lebanon right now. i cant believe the us basically gave israel a green light to continue the attacks for another week. i cant believe tony blair went along with it.
61 people died today. one of which was NOT a civilian.
so say you dont care. what about the us government's treatment of its own citizens trapped in lebanon?
or israel's disregard for us lawin regard to weapon use.
i cannot see how any of this is going to help or change the situation in the mideast. if the objective is to further polarize the israeli/palestinian situation, to give more power to extremist groups such as hizbollah, to encourage anti-american sentiment, yes it will succeed.


i just hate this. all of it. sick of it.

questions . . . that keep me awake till 6am

questions do atheists believe in a spirit? or am i just a mass of cells, just like the other mass of cells next to me, my plant, and next to that my dog?
if there is a spirit, a soul, something 'other' should not spiritual life, be of utmost importance? because it's the spirit, soul, consciousness that governs this body, and its too easy to give examples of what happens to the human body when the spirit gives up, or is deeply troubled.
food for thought:
~In one astonishing, short period the ninth century BCE the peoples of four distinct regions of the civilized world created the religious and philosophical traditions that have continued to nourish humanity into the present day: Confucianism and Daoism in China; Hinduism and Buddhism in India; monotheism in Israel(gave rise to judaism, christianity,islam); and philosophical rationalism in Greece
Despite having no contact with one another, these faiths shared an extensive number of characteristics: Each formulated its own version of the Golden Rule ("don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you"). revealing a fundamental truth about human nature: It's not what you believe, but how you behave.
If the Buddha or Confucius had been asked whether he believed in God, he would probably have winced slightly and explained with great courtesy, that this was not an appropriate question. Right practice, not belief, leads to transcendence. Second, none of the major faiths has ever been about violence, nor does any hold a monopoly on justice now. Some people have concluded either that religion itself is inescapably violent or that violence and intolerance are endemic to a particular tradition. But the story of the Axial Age shows that in fact the opposite in the case. Every single one of these faiths began in principled and visceral recoil from the unprecedented violence of their time.
~
To illustrate
In ancient China, a man named Zhuangzi (370-311 BCE) withdrew from public life and became a hermit. Entering a game park one day, he took aim at a magpie. The magpie, being wholly preoccupied with eyeing a cicada, did not notice Zhuangzi. Neither the cicada nor a nearby preying mantis noticed the magpie. The magpie swept down on its prey in high excitement and gobbled them both up. A feeling of compassion welled up in Zhuangzi: he realized the creatures he had observed were fated to a sequence of mutual destruction, however unwilled. Here was the essence of life. Lost in reflection, Zhuangzi himself did not notice that his trespassing in the park was unwelcome, and he was chased away by a gamekeeper.

Following these events, Zhuangzi was depressed for months. Nothing in his life so far had prepared him for the new thoughts entering his mind. Life is about endless transformation; death should not be feared. Giving himself up to the natural rhythm of the cosmos, Zhuangzi began to experience an exhilarating freedom. When his wife died, a visitor who came to pay his condolences was alarmed to discover Zhuangzi sitting cross-legged, singing rowdily, and bashing a battered old tub, flagrantly violating the dignified ceremonies of the mourning period. Zhuangzi explained that he had cast his mind back to the time before [his wife] was born, when she had simply been part of the endlessly churning qi, the raw material of the universe. One day there had been a wonderful change: the qi had mingled together in a new way, and suddenly, there was his dear wife! Now she was dead and had simply gone through another alteration... If he wept and complained, he would be completely at odds with the Way things really were.
from Karen Armstrong's The Great Transformation

its weird reading about this now cause i remember ages ago at catholic, reading siddhartha and thinking, isnt this what jesus was really on about before a bunch of men came along and decided to add in all these rules and regulations, creating divisions and hierarchies?
read this blog about god, whether he exists, all that. then this article that went on and on about how we'd being seeing the world in a top down fashion, ie god/king at the top, when in reality it was bottom up, the many simple loops, lines of code, etc that go into me being able to type this out, and you read it (perhaps understand), anyways guy came up with an 'artificial god'
but for me, so ok the little invisible subatomic particles come together just so for the atoms and then the atoms have to be arranged (again in a very specific way) to form silicon and then a computer chip, and how is there not something divine, in the simplicity, the beauty of that? the way each snowflake is unique and geometrically perfect.
i agree with alot of what he says but its like its missing the point or something. what good is all this knowledge, understanding, if it doesnt help us evolve, get somewhere better?
when it comes to religion, im backtracking now to the karen armstrong stuff and i think what transcendance, true compassion is about, is losing this concept of self to take it scientifically the barrier between my skin and the air, which my inaccurate eyes see as huge, is miniscule, nanometers, and once you stop seeing the barriers/lines/divisions, whatever, well then i dont know, cause i havent gotten there,
and im lost again
possibly because of the hour.

here comes the sun

and i say its alrite

thank god. it was the wettest may on record in ireland. in some places since 1866. seriously. not fun. especially when i gotta cycle/walk everywhere. as attractive and trendy as rain gear is . . . plus ive a major phobia of umbrellas, there's nothing worse that the line of spray you get on your back from being forced to cycle through puddles by ignorant motorists or even better getting splashed by said idiots.

the past few days have been absolutely gorgeous, warm, sunny, freckle catching stuff. ive had to get reaccquainted with the sun, getting those squinting muscles toned, wipe the dust off the sunglasses, and im almost scared to write about it, talk about it, cause it might go away again. get superstitious bout these kinda things.

the exam period is over. yeay! kinda. always so anticlimatic, then theres the wait. and of course my results conveniently will be posted while my parents are here. joy. no really its going to be weird cause my brother's moved out, and its just the folks coming over. so its going to be just the three of us. and it hasnt been like that well since forever. curious to see how it will work out, what the dynamic will be.

so eoin moved out to swords, suburb north of dublin. ok and this is the thing. he's 24. and this is the first time in his life he's going to have to support himself as in work fulltime, and pay rent and bills.
he wasnt paying rent/bills here, and working fulltime, so all the money he earned was his to do whatever with. as alot of our fights came down to money, me having little/none, him moaning about how his bank balance was dipping below a grand or some utter shite, and i mean this being over the money spent on crazy expensive stuff like bread, milk, im curious to see how he does.
his attitude about money really pissed me off more cause for fecks sake we're siblings, dont we take care of each other? and he turned out to be as tight and mean as the other roommate i had, my cousin john the accountant.
we didnt get to the point of where it was with me and john-we had separate milk folks, but it was heading that way

anyways so im happy to have the house to myself. im ready to live alone, ya know?
back to the sun i must go. gotta work on the tan while i can. sorry for the family related rant. but it happens. and no one can get ya going quite like a family member. take care hope ya americans had a good memorial day weekend, this is our bank holiday weekend and the sun's supposed to be with us for a while. fingers crossed.

only in dublin

so procrastinating ok well really i just drank too much coffee and now i cant sit still. it looks like it might rain. but it might not. i dunno whether to try and wait to see if it clears up in a bit, or take the chance now.
i wont melt or anything. and it is relatively warm outside, perfect running temperatures.
plus my exam tommorrow is cardiac diseases and im all freakin out about atherosclerosis and heart disease. i met this kid whose male relatives haven't lived past their 50's due to heart problems.
and its crazy and weird in a way, but i was immediately thinking of statistics and taking a second look at him and his lifestyle and i'd to restrain myself, i coulda started blabbing about what he 'should' be doing etc.
his activity of choice had led to alot of broken bones and i was like dude, comes a time when ya gotta switch it up. i mean you ever seen an old rugby player? first they dont seem to live that long. and then they move so stiffly it looks like everything takes such effort. the american football physique linebacker like is really bad for leading to future problems-cause all the muscle turns to fat. guys who are like over 200 anyways.
i could possibly just be very biased about running. its just that its the second thing we do after we learn to walk-we want to go faster. it always strikes me when im running along the beach how people religiously walk their dogs everyday, and the dog's playing and running around, the way we did when we were young, and i dont think we ever outgrown the need to run and play. i hate when people have dogs and the poor things are kept cooped up all day, yet we treat ourselves that way, spending hours on our asses, in some cases the only distance being covered is that from the house to the car, to the office, to the car, to the house.
so anyway im worried about heart disease.
i think about the cigarettes i still have every now and then, the way i love real irish butter and toast isnt right without it, and how i love salt, and am apt to salt before eating . . .
ok really, need to get back to the studying.
wish me luck. take care of your hearts.

aint wastin' time no more

i know, same title as blog on myspace . . .
but different! so woke up early, went for a run. catching up on some much needed gossip news, perezhilton is hilarious, emails, etc. will be returning to the books soon. had an uneventful weekend as exam time has started, may 20th, and it will all be over. thank god.
im so ready for summer. unfortunately the weather has been anything but summer-like. i need sunshine! i want to wear sandals, flipflops!
i cant decide what to do for the summer. should i stay or should i go? if the weather continues on like this, i will definitely will be leaving. parents are coming over in june, going to work on them about letting me live in place in spain. i know its bad for me but i love having a tan. there was a brief glimpse of sun on sunday, only caught some more freckles though.
people are talking to me again about coming over in september, and i would so love to have them, and its so hard not to get my hopes up. ladies, please make it happen! especially if i dont get stateside this summer.
life's been rather quiet of late, studying 'n such. me and eoin, i almost dont want to say for fear of jinxing myself, are getting along well. he's talking about moving back to savannah this summer. if he does, i might just have to follow him, love love that place. it has such i dunno character to it.
right time to get back to the books. wish me luck!

bad bad bad

oh when
when will i stop beating my head against a brick wall
i dont mean to keep on repeating the same mistake over and over
and over
always think, hope, dream?
hey maybe this time it will be different
maybe he will be
maybe i will be

the same
?
scientifically, if reproduce the same situation multiple times, and receive the same result,
get to theorize. i dont like my theory thus far. dont want to accept it, follow it
to its logical conclusions.
i met another one. im talking to several.
love to ignore my gut feeling that it will all end badly
love to ignore the words of my da ringing in my ears,
'you will be alone'
yet cant ignore what he really meant, that we are all
no matter how many people we surround ourselves with,
alone. came into this world on our own, and that is how we shall depart.

'i just dont know what to do with myself' -white stripes
havent listened to raconteur album yet. would like to

listening to phish 'bouncing round the room . . .' its been ages
couldnt listen a while after they broke up
'if i could i would but i dont know how'

went to see my grandmother. very sad. she's not long for this world.
and she's ready to go to. fed up with the state of her life today.
cant cook, clean, go for walks, do all these things that are part and
parcel of her personality. to go to her house and not be fed with a hot meal?
but when the arthritis makes it so i cant type/write, my eyes dont let me see,
my ears can no longer be filled with music, my mind can no longer
recognize faces, places,
yeah i want to go/be gone. i dont even want to hang around if im paralyzed.
part of me is movement, its running, its dancing, its cycling, its walking,
and i dont want to be me without it

so here it is in black and white in case there's ever a question. pull the plug,
no extraordinary measures, let me go when its my time to
reject the way sometimes i feel like modern medicine intervenes, stops death

when it does, its only momentary, and the extra time added is often filled with
more pain, etc
granted, i think to have the knowledge of impending death, to realize that this may
be the last time you talk/hug/laugh/cry with somebody, is a strange gift. death bad
but to get to say goodbye properly?
how many people are wrecked with grief about the people they didnt get to tell, the things
they didnt get to say?

the more things change . . .

interesting stuff i read today

prize money at this year's wimbledon is $1.17million for men, $1.1 million for women

Why can't American women have the emergency contraceptive Plan B over-the-counter? Three words: "Teen sex cults." Actually, four words: "Mythical teen sex cults."

A group of New York women is suing the FDA for Plan B, OTC. Here's one of the documents that came up in discovery:

In the memo released by the FDA, Dr. Curtis Rosebraugh, an agency medical officer, wrote: “As an example, she [deputy operations commissioner Woodcock] stated that we could not anticipate, or prevent extreme promiscuous behaviors such as the medication taking on an ‘urban legend’ status that would lead adolescents to form sex-based cults centered around the use of Plan B.” [Newsweek]

An Immoral Story
Tim O'Brien

A true war story is never moral. It does not
instruct, nor encourage virtue, nor suggest
models of proper human behavior, nor restrain
men from doing things men have always done.
If a war story seems moral, do not believe it. If
at the end of a war story you feel uplifted, or if
you feel that some small bit of rectitude has
been salvaged from the larger waste, then you
have been made the victim of a very old and
terrible lie.

"Preventive war was an invention of Hitler. Frankly, I would not even listen to anyone seriously that came and talked about such a thing."
-- President Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1953

anyways time to go for a run, then study study. yesterday i spent a ridiculous amount of time messing around on the internet. can not do the same thing today! beautiful day here, hope its sunny where-ever ya are

if only

so ok slowly but surely im emerging from my self created hibernation
i definitely need to learn about patience
i get so irritated when people dont reply to my messages/texts, return my phone calls.
and im the last person with the right to be irritated as i tend to go into hermit mode
i wish i could describe how i feel now-a-days
its some kind of freedom, finally feel like ive made progress
working on the masterpiece here, the one im determined to make my life into.
in reality dont all artists have that 'one' piece? the one creation that has elevated them, transcends all the boundaries, barriers we put up. yes their other creations may help tell us more about them, guide and instruct our perception of their masterpiece, but i would say that we get the opportunity with just one.
are people capable of more than one masterpiece?
but im really fluid with definitions, yes there's masterpiece paintings, songs, sculptures, photography,
the masterpiece i have so much respect for:
creation of a new life, and making sure that child is a contribution, an asset without which the world would be a somehow dimmer place. all children should be regarded/raised/treated as such.
then again were hitler's parents really evil? or was it just him?
blah blah blah
but i believe in cascades, how one more neurotransmitter can induce a cell to release calcium, which causes the muscle to contract, specifically my diaphragm, lowers the pressure in my lungs, so that air may rush in, carbon dioxide be exchanged for oxygen, and i live to take another breath
a drop of rain creates a waterfall,
all that
anyways thing i like about myspace is the music aspect
listening to common at the moment, 'the light'
such a great song
so everyone here's all like woo hoo bank holiday weekend, lets party, and im like did all my entreaties fall on deaf ears? i said we'd to go out cause this week on, id be studying my ass off? as exams start a week from monday. 9 of them. then again may 20th-to september, im free, up for whatever ;)
have a good one

spring meet at keeneland

i want to be there! nothing quite like horse racing to excuse getting all dressed up, drinking all day with friends, gambling, then wondering where that dd went. i have sat in the 'parking lot' (field) waiting forever trying to figure out the best way home ;)
ah to have a glorious saturday, one of those hot sunny april days that makes you almost wish the pools were open, help smooth over the memories of march madness, there is something else kentucky is good at, reminds you that summer is just around the corner, spend rest of the day once the races have finished, ear glued to cell phone, trying to organize other drunk people while tipsy, funny conversations those, nothing more stressful than thinking where to eat (so many good restaurants), where's the best patio thats open, keeping tabs on the buddy who won all that cash (come on, you're treating, right?), or seeing if i cant convince my parents (my mam always wins, only bets on names) to take me somewhere, ie le deauville, jonathons, merrick, dudleys . . . damnit making myself hungrey here
nighttime normally end up at cheapsides/rosebuds/mccarthys or running in between all three, in dangerously high shoes, but not feeling the pain, seeing people havent seen in years, grateful for once look halfway decent if a little overdressed. small talk: im sorry i couldnt find ya at keeneland it was so packed/you shoulda been there it was great/did you win any money? . . . . wanna buy me a drink?
eventually get to sleep, wake up with a bit of colour, ok more freckles, especially on my nose, only thing to do on a sunday after such a saturday is buy the sunday papers, head to mia's for brunch, do a full post-mortem on the day before's events, scandals and gossip, 'what happened to you?' 'who was that guy?' 'where did you end up?'
and thus sated, spend the rest of the day lazing around.
till the following weekend of course.

excuse me, mr president

funny beer mat-had to give up on matchboxes with this whole smoking ban malarkey.

'i am the decider and i decide whats best. and whats best is for don rumsfeld is to remain as secretary of state'
i cant even, dont know where, big big sigh
impeach this man! now!
are they really considering military action in iran?
listening to down by the river, by neil young. who i used to love till he deleted the song from my myspace page. whatever yo. he did make a protest album tho that i want to check out.
we need a phil ochs, somebody to say something. or at least counteract the country songs.
'Is There Anybody Here?'

Is there anybody here who'd like to change his clothes into a uniform,
Is there anybody here who thinks they're only serving in a raging storm.
Is there anybody here with glory in their eyes,
       loyal to the end, whose duty is to die,
I want to see him, I want to wish him luck,
I wanna shake his hand, wanna call his name,
Pin a medal on the man.

Is there anybody here who'd like to wrap a flag around an early grave,
Is there anybody here who thinks they're standing taller on a battle wave.
Is there anybody here like to do his part,
 soldier to the world and a hero to his heart,
I want to see him, I want to wish him luck,
I wanna shake his hand, wanna call his name,
Pin a medal on the man.

Is there anybody here proud of the parade,
 who'd like to give a cheer and show they're not afraid.
I'd like like to ask him what he's trying to defend,
I'd like to ask him what he thinks he's gonna win.
Is there anybody here who thinks that following orders takes away the blame
Is there anybody here who'd wouldn't mind a murder by another name
Is there anybody here whose pride is on the line,
I want to see him, I want to wish him luck,
I wanna shake his hand, gonna call his name,
Pin a medal on the man.
Medal on the man.

eeek!

my homies are disappearing man! taken out of commission dude. it just aint right.
so to my 2 remaining readers-the ones i know about
seriously on the last post, the only comment on there forever, and it took forever for there to be one, was about some porn site.
have you ever been swept off your feet, knocked backwards, taken unawares, filled with wonder, flabbergasted.
jeff buckley lyrics: "i feel unsteady"
it took me a long time to admit this to myself, nevermind follow through into practice, but i really do like it when things are 'just so.' granted my 'just so' is very different from some other people's.
i like to know what's going on, to have everything settled, any issue resolved, no questions left unanswered. especially when it comes to my heart.
i know i know it doesnt work that way. gotta take risks and all that.
in a way im happy, happy to know that there are people out there i can admire, ive just lost so much respect for the leaders of this world, the willful ignorance of others (heard the song "bush is right" by some country band in tennesee? tennesee (i know its spelled wrong) the state that couldve put a man from there into office, and the money that woulda rolled into that state as a result . . . )
and i could go on and on.
if the time's not right, geographical problems exist, whats one to do? say fuck it, and jump? simply enjoy the memories created, shelve away for rainy days, use as evidence to stop self from becoming cynical or bitter?
my grandmother mcdonnell believed in the gift of time. to visitors while she was in hospital, upon their departure, she would always say, "thank you for your time."
in this crazed 24 hour world, time is a valuable commodity. and so maybe i should be grateful for time well spent. and not to worry about whether or not it will happen again because it can never be recreated. it can be better or worse, but this past weekend will not ever happen again.
even if time travel were an option (physicists, whats going on?) i would make it different because of my knowledge, and so it would change everything, possibly the outcome.
read this really interesting article about prof geoff raisman, who believes he is close to a cure for spinal cord injury.
have been messing around on the internet all morning, hey its been a while, and now ive really got to get moving. the sun's decided to show her face after all-this morning it was miserable, and im on the bike.

ready to run

yeay! im so excited! and nervous. but more excited.
on my way here, once i get all my shit together, to galway. where ive yet to find a place to stay. always fun. but ive never been to galway, and i love to travel and then tommorrow im going to be eating potatoes and pasta all day cause on sunday i'll be running. for several hours. in connemara. i really am excited. i wish i knew someone in galway though. my uncle thought i was crazy for going alone. it'll make it more interesting i figure.
is there anybody out there? no comments. for ages. but i really dont mind. hope ya's have a great weekend. if you're out there.

discuss amongst yourselves

March 22, 1972
Congress sent the proposed Equal Rights Amendment to the states for ratification. It fell short of the three-fourths needed.

Today is World Water Day. 1.1 billion people go without safe drinking water. 2.6 billion or 40% of the world's population lacks decent sanitation. This leads to millions of preventable deaths. And the future doesn't look good.

my bro is in amsterdam. and he texts me asking where to go. he says im at the museum. so i ask if he's at the van gogh (previously discussed rembrandt/caravaggio exhibit going on there), the heineken, or the hemp museum. there's a hemp museum he asks? oh dear. i really should be there right now.

he cracks me up. its so him. like he'll just walk around the house, not actually looking but informing me while im trying to read or watch tv etc that he cant find something. he'll literally walk in circles around me till i get up, point in front of him. dude. its right there. look before you ask. i am not your mother!
kids these days ;)

i have to go outside. its sunny. it hasnt been sunny in a long time-whole weekend was pretty brutal weatherwise. feckin freezin. and i was walking around barefoot-toughening up the soles for the marathon people! ah yes the marathon im running in 4 days. so on sunday think of me. and hope i dont get lost in the wilds of connemara. the start is like in the middle of nowhere -we've to take a bus to it.

later folks. happy wednesday. its all downhill from here ;)

ah men

seriously lads!!
sometimes its like we want to think things are different
eh no
a female actress gains weight and do we shut up about it?
we are just as 'visual' or whatever the excuse is

Love after Love

The time will come

when, with elation

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror,

and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stanger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.

-Derek Walcott

the sea around us

ok you're going to have to trust me on this one, but id written a really cool blog and then boom computer froze. oh i need to get another one so bad. this one is like a put together one from the various places killian worked. thanks killian's employers whoever you are. but its old. mam, dad, if you're reading. come on.
plus it would be like 400x better if i had my computer upstairs in my study
so im thinking laptop, wireless, preferable a mac.
sick of this windows crap.
back to the issue at hand
i went for a run along the seafront-serious head wind, man it was discouraging. cause ok running up a hill, you can see the top, but with a strong wind blowin against ya, it saps your energy.
good cause run is mainly flat, need some resistance.
i got down to the beach and ah! the tide was coming in, i saw starfish, the sea was this crazy color green/gray, im not sure. running down the beach i could see that the sky over howth was bright, and as the wind was coming from that direction, that would mean that my run home would be easier plus possibly catch some sunshine.
there were a couple other people out but they were all wrapped up, i was wearing shorts. dude i get hot really easily. these two older men, walking their dogs, and the dog was eating some kind of sea urchin. i love that word 'urchin'
k so this is rachel carson's 'the sea around us'
beginnings are apt to be shadowy, and so it is with the beginnings of that great mother of life, the sea. . . .
'and the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep-genesis'
when they went ashore the animals that took up land life carried with them a part of the sea in their bodies, a heritage which they passed on to their children and which even today links each land animal with its origin in the ancient sea. Fish, amphibian, and reptile, warm-blooded brid and mammal-each of us carries in our veins a salty stream in which the elements sodium, potassium, and calcium are combined in almost the same proportions as in sea water. . . . In the same way, our lime-hardened skeletons are a heritage from the calcium-rich ocean of Cambrian time. . . . And as life itself began in the sea, so each of us begins his individual life in a minature ocean within his mother's womb, and in the stages of his embryonic development repeats the steps by which his race evolved, from gill-breathing inhabitants of a water world to creatures able to live on land (14).

its magic writing man, combination of things i love, writing and biology, a synergy of sorts. very much recommend
i also think
that
george w. bush should be impeached
not censured.
impeached
this is way beyond an extra-marital affair. and i know that comment is not entirely accurate/inflammatory. but seriously.
what is it going to take?

to the men in my life

first big thanks to eoin for putting the bins out
i have this thing about hating garbage, coming close to it, touching bins
and to da for the marathon entry
but most importantly!!!
a very big kiss and hug for paul on his bday!!!
you better do it in style!
i wish i could be there!
much love to francis

for f's sake

seriously
im so sick of so many things
women in positions of power lamblasting other women,
why you going to hate on another woman?
why?

why do women always go after the 'other' woman instead of the one
responsible-ie the man?

the fucking media which makes it ok to harrass a woman who's just had a child,
and accuse her of being pregnant again

i am so fucking sick of fashion
yes fashion

i am tired, i am finished with gay men determining what clothes i will wear
yes gay men who very 'surprisingly'
only like to have women model their clothes . . .
who are 5'8 or taller, and skinnier than skinny
ie, in many ways;
lack of hips, boobs, stomach, etc, noticeable package, body hair;
resemble young boys
im not accusing gay men of being pedo's
not at all.
i simply dont understand why i should follow the fashion instinct of a person who
does not
a)find my body type at all attractive
b)is not even attracted to women
im 5'5. i have hips. i have big boobs. and a skinny waist+skinny arms+skinny legs.
which makes me evolutionary wise, pretty hooked up. i can maintain a high level of
physical fitness, while carrying, and feeding a child.
part of my anger is the clothes dont fit,
im not fat,
and it just seems to me to be another example of how unequal this world is,
how far we still have to go, and
how dare pamela get worked up about animal rights
check out the rights of your gender first
m'am please
not hating on the silicon, i'm all for it
plastic surgery is an art-shows the art of medicine
but my dear lord, with the publicity that follows her,
she uses her fame
to alert us to the plight of animals?
im sorry i just cant get to animal rights
when humans are being abused, misused, and then
discarded the world over
enough ranting
does blogger publish your shit if you curse?
i'll find out i guess

when the session's over

“When the Session’s Over.”
Candle snuffed
whistle blown
glass drained
talk piped down
tunes reeled in.
Magic seeps from the night.
But listen.
Words awake.
Line dancing.
Gearoid Mac Lochlainn

'europe's beautiful losers' as one british write called them
'celtic of any sort is a magic bag, into which anything may be put and out of which almost anything may come,' jrr tolkien

life is beautiful

pictures by lennart nilsson















since im not sure where these words are going to turn up, one is of the fallopian tube, its petal-like structures waft the egg into the uterus. and the one with the caption, is the dance, the sperm is blue bottom left hand corner and the egg is the big yellow ball.

Picture Day!

so this is what happens when i wake up early. wow. i might have to start doing this on a more regular basis. its weird, like i say i grew up in lexington, but i feel like ive done alot of my growing up here.

lucy, i hope you dont mind me posting this picture but i had to.

anyways so today i went to put the garbage out, so not my favorite thing to do, and i found this on my doorstep which made my day-its so fun to get proper mail plus well im a dork



and im so not good with this whole picture thing. rite will try again. the fun thing about the international national geographic, is that its like something out of 'lost in translation,' theres great pictures inside and on the back cover.

ok at this point im beyond trying to match the pictures with what im writing.
so its a game. match the picture to the correct caption

anyways i really cant wait until this book, 'Life' by Lennart Nilsson comes out. he's the guy that did that famous picture for Life magazine of the 18-week old foetus back in '65.

ah ronaldo

what a day

so its one of those beautiful days, as in sunny (still feckin' freezin more on that later), not a cloud in the sky, im getting ready to walk into town, as my bike is still messed up from the self-inflicted accident (posted bout it a while ago) and have no money, not enough for a bus.
but its sunny! and i have killer shades that actually kinda maybe suit me. i have a weird head.
the professor teaching the lecture is cool and as we're studying cardiovascular diseases, i am so determined to walk/run/cycle a least once everyday. the complications of blood pressure . . . .
so im making my cuppa and checking out the news, reading some of sundays paper i didnt get to b/c of exam yesterday morning (feel good bout it), and i notice that the weathers changing.
and then it starts snowing!!
it never snows in ireland. well barely ever. i think this was the first snow this winter. winter yeah. its feb 28th! however the inner child in me is alive and kicking and i had to go out in the snow and revel in it.
now its back to sunny.

still not sure what to think about saturday. finger pointing, etc going on. i think it was a combination of things, none of them good.
what was accomplished?
irish hospitality indeed.
i dont think that sinn fein planned for it. alot of the people in the pictures were the same ones who made the jervis street centre close down cause they were running around, appropriately attired in tracksuits and runners, setting off fire alarms. im not sure of the political message behind that action. i dont think the guards were prepared. the irish times didnt mention the parade in the paper on saturday, not even like traffic info on how o'connell street would be shut down. i read somewhere that it was an Orangeman march, a bit different than a Love Ulster one-for the victims of republican violence. go to fraziers on o'connell street and watch a celtic/rangers match upstairs. i wouldnt call the crowd there politicized, rather the opposite-left out of the political process all together.
i walked into town, coming from clontarf, and up summerhill road. and the air was charged im not sure how to describe it. not the 'peaceful-people-going-bout-their-business' description of some parts of town on saturday.
that contrast in experience speaks volumes. the free metro or whatever i got, on monday morning had headlines about the cost of the damage to the businesses. cause thats the important thing to take away from this?? it woulda been ok if the shops had been left alone?
damn the clouds have turned gray.
back to the weekend, on sunday ireland beat wales 31-5! definitely a weekend of ups and downs. the six nations cup is up for grabs! still have scotland and england to play. i so wouldve gone to the see it, but id the exam monday. its so evil to schedule exams on monday morning. there were a couple of lads who rolled in way late to the exam, it started at 9am and you could tell they'd been celebrating. manchester united got the carling cup, poor wigan. cinderella team. arsenal lost to feckin blackburn on after beating real madrid on tuesday? i dont get it, je ne comprends pas, henri!! probably didnt conjugate that right. wont experiment any further, i need to take a class. i want to be able to speak french and spanish. ok focus.

i have to go eat chocolate till im sick cause lent starts tommorrow. happy mardi gras!! sending out love to the people in new orleans. ah its snowing again!

random: realized i'd be on my germany this summer if ireland were in it, the us is in, but ive no desire to go and watch them.
what does that mean?

saturday afternoon in town

the plan was to head into town, get the paper, maybe window shop, basically enjoy the sunny day then get arse back to desk to study. i knew the Love Ulster parade was going on, but i didnt expect this. by the time i got in, everything had calmed down, and it was surreal tourists taking pictures with barricades up. most of the shops were closed, and window shopping was more difficult at schuh (shoe store) cause the windows were smashed. i feel sorry for anyone who left their bike in the middle of o'connell street on friday night. because ive an exam tommorrow and im not really sure what i think, im not going to get into ack just any of it.
other voices with more info about the march, the riot, and pictures
disillusioned lefty
the dossing times

the prices these days . . .

Buy one get one free?

Guy: "Wow, it's really expensive to have a girlfriend. I couldn't afford one at the moment."
Girl: "Well, I hear he got a really good deal."

Overheard by Ragnvaeig, Outside the geology building, TCD
Posted on Thursday, 23rd February 2006

feels more like a monday

one of those days. today i spectacularly wiped out on my bicycle. it was something else. altogether. will try to keep it short n sweet. so im wearing boots. its beyond windy outside. traffic is bad bad. i have to turn right which is like a left turn in america, out in the middle of the intersection like, and my boot slips off the pedal. and i fall down, like sideways. on 2 corners, pubs with smokers outside, the other a newsagent, and a busstop at the 4th. so everyone comes to a halt, this woman helps me off the road and im caught inbetween laughing and just being in shock, and im not too scratched up, but my handlebars are twisted at some odd angle which makes cycling in a straight line difficult.
so im still a bit embarrassed, convinced someone i know saw me as it went down right beside my school, and still waiting to be txted the picture, but im laughing now. it musta be a sight, random people where like are you ok?
maybe if i expect to embarrass myself at least once a day it wont come as such a shock. damn boots. never ever wearing them again.
so ive a big weekend of . . . study ahead, exam on monday which kills a weekend. wales is playing ireland on sunday and town was packed full of people already the welsh accent is so different.
time to eat

whats the best thing ever

batteries. yes thats all my little mouse needed to work. sadder id say is the fact that i had no money till yesterday to finally buy some. i had to borrow change from my (younger) brother for the bus. i know, i know someday i promise.
apologies ahead of time for you non football obsessed, but barcelona beat chelsea! as one of the commentators said, football won. the main reason i dislike chelsea being the way they play which is boring. juve also lost to bremen or brerren? i dunno never heard of the team before. ronaldinho and messi ah ok could go on but going to stop.
today i woke up early. not a big deal you say. do you know me? i woke up early, by myself (no need for alarm) and actually got out of bed. normally im like ooh too early, sleep more. which turns into sleeping in. i love when you wake up and feel rested. it doesnt happen to me often. why few would call me a morning person. random detour-its all got to do with sleep cycles-you wake up in the middle of a deep sleep phase, and no matter how much sleep you've gotten, you'll feel sleepy.
i could get really boring and scientific but i'll leave that for now. im actually drinking a cup of tea and ive just eaten toast. my body's in shock it normally doesnt get fed at this hour.

so my main thing about blogging has always been, what if it turns into self-indulgent ramblings that bore other people to death? worry frequently that im going in that direction. like eoin wont listen to me so im going to target the computer cause it cant run away, turn up the music or look at me like im crazy
i cant get really excited about the fact that its almost the weekend cause ive an exam on monday. plus ive decided to take a break from going out. i know ive done this before. and the results have been positive yet i dont stick with it. maybe its a matter of conditioning. but ive found the same with exercising, eating well, drinking enough water, etc.
ok ok just in case you havent listened to them, the magic numbers are great. so are arcade fire. and rodrigo y gabriela. sux cause the cds here are crazy expensive. anyone want to set up a trading scheme? anything you want from ireland for cds? also i finally got a multi-region dvd player and there are movies on dvd's in the states that have yet to come out in the theater here.
damn rite so i wake up so early, and now if i dont get movin i'll be late. take it easy and if you're somewhere warm and sunny, wish me some sunshine

another wednesday

minor complaints. its cold and windy and hailing outside. i dont like hail. it hurts. especially when cycling into the wind. i think about maybe spending the summer in dublin and then i remember liking doing crazy stuff in the summer like wearing shorts and flipflops and going without a jacket. then my mouse is no longer working on my computer at home, i could try to think up some cheesy (yikes its so easy) jokes about mice etc, but i wont. this means im in the school computer lab which is always such a weird place with slow computers. i dont have alot of patience with 'tab' as a way to navigate the internet and am clueless of those key combos that make it easy.
hopefully the problem will be fixed soon.
last night arsenal beat real madrid!! the first english team to win at the bernabeu!! finally. i almost didnt want to watch, and was pleasantly surprised.
damn gotta go to class, another problem with posting at school

what happens

Roughly 1,000 people drawn by internet postings and word-of-mouth converged near San Francisco's Ferry Building on Tuesday night for a half-hour pillow fight.

when i spend too long on the internet



and for something completely different

If you want to know if you're making progress on the so-called spiritual path, see if you're kinder to people, see if you're a little easier on yourself. See if you obsess about all the stuff in your life a little bit less. See if you're happier in a simple way, more content. And see if you're treating people more as you would like to be treated. That means it's working.

You can't have secrets. It doesn't work. You can't have places you don't want to look at. You can't hide your shame and fear and guilt and anger. Where are you going to hide it? It's with you wherever you are. And if you don't look at it, that shadow covers you and keeps you in darkness. Even though you might feel you're not. If you're honest with yourself you'd have to say, well, there's stuff I'm not dealing with. And if you want your heart to be available--which is what we want our hearts to be--for people for relationships and for our own selves, you have to be whole

Krishna Das, from February 2006, Whole Life Times

time for bed sweet dreams

depressing

"I wish it were one-tenth the cost, and if it were I would be giving it to almost everybody.
"
- DR. DAVID JOHNSON, on the cancer drug Avastin.


http://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/15/business/15drug.html?th&emc=th

the drug company that makes the drug, is going to see profits of $4 billion
and wants to raise the price
ugh putting off leaving for school, cycling there and its sooo windy. but at least its sunny.
hope everyone had a good valentines day or whatever. i didnt get to celebrate but im really
not that bothered. i was far more put out at arsenals horrible form.
see i dont need a guy i already act like one ;)

the changing ocean tides

so i took my first exam of the year. thing is that it was not my first exam in clinicals. which it should have been. i took the first exam of what i studied last year. cause i had to repeat a year. i found out right before christmas, made my parents stay tense and me miserable. i finally told them. its hard to see people i should be with asking where am i and why am i not at lecture, the hospital?
is it guilty to feel a bit better when there's other people from my class, in there, repeating with me?
but at least they're faces i recognize cause ive been put back mid-year and i dont know any of these kids. and they're even younger eek!
i think the exam went well. rest of the day looks to get better, im getting my eyebrows done and they're a state, then im going to see nickelcreek play!! its at this great little club. i havent seen live music in ages, another thing to add to my list.
interesting quote
"A faith that requires you to close your mind in order to believe is not much of a faith at all," Rev. Patricia Templeton, Atlanta, NYT
song stuck in my head-landslide
damn it looks like rain

did you do this on spring break?

so ive an exam on monday, and ive drank too much coffee, and i paused from studying to take a break, but now ive been online for far far too long. and i havent even gotten to send emails. argh
ok have to save that for the next break.
read on overheard in london:
Drunk English guy chatting to 2 American girls: "Just a typical English evening -- we tuck in our penises and run around. It's not unlike spring break."
- Overheard by Anonymous, The Rugby Tavern Pub, Twickenham
ok i cant make this stop being in italics. annoying much. must get back to the books.

happy monday!

not my fault

ok i just want to say that for once it wasnt my fault, i was all set to blog my little heart out and all of a sudden i cant i dunno the correct technical terms here, but apparently the connection keeps timing out?
its a sign.
omg, first what is up with the weather its freezing! it was warmer in around new years! then i check my email today to find out that kentucky lost to florida, and neither team is ranked. then in the african nations cup, the game between cameroon and the ivory coast goes to 12 penalties. see i was a bit worried about the world cup, like wouldn't be interested as ireland didnt make it. im thinking it might be fun to be in germany just cause there'll be so much going on. but i dont know german. like maybe stay there for most of june, then on to the states for the start of july.
hmmm
anyways im mad cause a brian friel play called the faith healer is starting here soon and ralph fiennes is going to be in it and its already sold out. which is kinda ok cause im broke but still! in other news though i read that the smashing pumpkins are reuniting, and they'll probably play here a date in the summer. kaiser chiefs with the chalets on wednesday march 1st in amsterdam. my break starts on that day! theres also the south by southwest in austin march15-19. aer lingus is having some crazy deals. ok so im daydreaming must come back down, gotta go to lecture take it easy

domestic disturbances

ahhh! what do you do when your roommate is driving you crazy? like i don't/can't live with ya anymore? but the roommate is your brother which makes everything more complex, you try to,
well, just to make a suggestion, and
all of a sudden, you're kids again, and theres stompng and slamming of doors.
im entirely too old for this
moving on, been listening to arcade fire on repeat
very good cd. also got the magic numbers.
k just had to whine for a bit

em

so yeah new years resolutions and all and again its been awhile
slow computer seriously
anyways me mam sent me this writer's almanac thingy, and this was the poem
of the day on my birthday

Ah Poverties, Wincings, and Sulky Retreats

Ah poverties, wincings, and sulky retreats,
Ah you foes that in conflict have overcome me,
(For what is my life or any man's life but a conflict with foes,
the old and incessant war?)
You degradations, you tussles with passions and appetites,
You smarts from dissatisfied friendships, (ah wounds the
sharpest of all!)
You toil of painful and choked articulations, you meannesses
You shallow tongue-talks at tables, (my tongue the
shallowest of any;)
You broken resolutions, you racking angers, you smother'd ennuis
Ah think not you finally triumph, my real self has yet to come forth
It shall yet march forth o'vermastering, till all lies beneath me,
It shall yet stand up the soldier of ultimate victory
-Walt Whitman

sometimes ya just hear the right thing at the right time, ya know?
promise swear i will proper blog soon but class awaits, eek yes back in school

operating on

the premise that absence does make the heart grow fonder. no really christmas is a weird time of the year for me, and the whole family was here. they just left this past weekend and its like im slowly putting everything back together. like my room; i move out of it and my parents stay in there.
not to be taken a whiny way of course, it was great to have them here, those kid brother and sisters of mine keep growin, making me feel so very old.
although on friday i'll have a real reason to feel old. cause its my 26th birthday. its like writing '06, its going to take me a while to come to terms with that. i mean my twenties are almost over. eww. why do i still feel so immature?
babysteps.
anyways so since i dont have to start back to school until monday, i'd planned on doing something v. cool for the day like going somewhere hot and sunny, alas its not to be. but one january i will be on the beach for my birthday. i was always so jealous of those kids who got to have pool parties ya see.
so i went to go see the exorcism of emily rose on monday, yes it just came out here. and oh my god it scared me. that night i couldnt go to sleep and then when i was still awake at 3am i started to freak out. it was windy and stormy and this house makes weird noises.
the idea of being trapped in my mind with something (?) else.
plus im reading this book about the fairy faith in celtic countries. the continuity of belief in ireland, scotland, wales and brittany its fascinating. its not some new agey 'we are surrounded by fairies' thing, its a study of the folklore in early 20th century celtic countries. part of my fascination is the methodological scientific approach.
so what do you think?
id have to go with JBS Haldane, "the world is not only stranger than we suppose, it is stranger than we can suppose."