changes

ever feel like you're in the midst of a life-changing situation? can't see necessarily where it will go, but know somehow that things are already fundamentally different.
3 things that can never be taken back=the spoken word, the lost opportunity, and the spent arrow.
after getting to work on my tan for a couple days back to lovely irish 'summer' weather. because i planned a bbq, it rained.
why do people say insincere things? when you lie to someone else, are you not also lyiing to yourself?
bit unsteady, temper flared last night. not used to getting angry. i keep in check, stay silent, don't pass comment but its like ive these flash points (jaysus isnt that some kind of military term, how it is infiltrating my life)
protest at 2pm. might yet still go.
so i dont get mad often but when i do ah still shaking. i threw the hugest tantrum ever at the mezz. now i feel embarrassed, want to apologize, but ok
why is that my default reaction? oh im sorry for getting upset? im sorry that you treated me like shit and i wasnt taking it and so turned on you?
toyed with the idea of a boy. after the last couple days though, being around girls who tell me they're seeing these 'great' guys. and so continue with the analysis and im like em, no thats not really on, is it? you dont really accept that type of behavior do you?
you're really that scared of being alone?
who's to blame in those situations? the person giving it, the other accepting? talking about very young relationships, no heavy emotional input. at which point, id say, goodbye and good luck, walk.
could go on, and on. but stomach is crying for some food. starting to affect my mood like. bit cranky feeling my age. oh i hope i dont turn into a bitter old woman.
if only it was sunny.

WHAT THE FUCK?

is going on? i cant believe whats happening in lebanon right now. i cant believe the us basically gave israel a green light to continue the attacks for another week. i cant believe tony blair went along with it.
61 people died today. one of which was NOT a civilian.
so say you dont care. what about the us government's treatment of its own citizens trapped in lebanon?
or israel's disregard for us lawin regard to weapon use.
i cannot see how any of this is going to help or change the situation in the mideast. if the objective is to further polarize the israeli/palestinian situation, to give more power to extremist groups such as hizbollah, to encourage anti-american sentiment, yes it will succeed.


i just hate this. all of it. sick of it.