so first victim of bloody sunday, note priest waving bloodstained white handkerchief. and the next picture is where the guns from that day have ended up. not trying to make some huge statement, cause controversy, theres many horrific images of dust settling after an exploding bomb just when does it end? does it? how many times do those guns have to be fired before we melt them down?

good lord almighty

i can see
i can see!!!! after a week of bumping around literally and figuratively i can see see see
woo hoo
and oh my god is this house a mess
but its gonna be alright cause i can clean properly cause i can see
i mean loading a dishwasher can get a bit dodgy when its all kinda blurry. like is the plate really dirty, couldnt i just use it again
major guesswork when it comes to which glass is mine eeny-meeny-miney-mo

yesterday after my heartbreak at no fun mail ie packages from the u s of a
read the invisible man by ralph ellison and oh man or ras the exhorter would say mahn,
book really makes ya think
question my own prejudices, how many people do i look through? how many people to i make invisible
well livin in dublin do it cause i get too upset, if i look in the eyes of every man woman kid begging on the street i would have a nervous breakdown

the worst are the people who sit right next to the atm. and i want to help so bad. but just the act of getting me wallet out of my bag on a dublin street is akin to red flashing light please mug me
know a girl who was talking on her phone and all of a sudden ripped from her hand, gone
doesnt make any of it right. people shouldnt have to steal
and i do think that in an ideal world, people wouldnt steal, that its a crime of necessity. or a crime much related to homelife and education
ok but the end of the book was just well still getting my head around that epilogue
sure will have more comments later

for those of ya who may make fun of my witchy ways, the spiritual cat has taken to chillin on my bed and sitting with me while i read. everynight like. had to throw her out cause couldnt sleep the other night with all the purring and that funny thing cats do with their front paws like they're tryin to pet ya back and get confused cause you're not purring

so on this fine sunny morning wake up, house (sorry folks) pleasantly empty and quiet, scared to go check but do, squint thru window pane, nothing in little porch thingy {know theres a proper word but?}
and so just-in-case its a package that couldnt fit through open zee front door and what should my wandering eyes (kinda) see but something bulky and white wit international package written all over it
so i rip open and yes yes yes
contacts!!!!
put them in immediately
dear lord the difference
thank you for the eyes i have
and thank you for the technology that produced gas permeable lenses
genius whoever he was who invented them
not sexist but come on girls, chances are
and on top of these wonderful tiny little pale blue things that i put in my eyes and allow me to see
like im sitting back from the screen right now!
theres sports bras that i left behind
and brand new ones!
ok i get the point work out
no really i am so glad i cannot wait to go for a run
gotta train for the dublin marathon tryin to get a tradition started, do it this year and it will be 3rd year running
ok and i wasnt trying to make a pun not a fan of those anyways i mean how often do people apologize for bad puns? and how often do you hear a good one?
uh huh

damn what was a sunny day has now turned grey/gray of course murphy i know, i know,
i should know better
when want to run but cant cause would undoubtedly injure myself, cause have no eyes
now that have eyes, its a gonna rain

randomn sidebar
saw movie hotel rwanda
heart still aching
and its happening now or it happened again in sudan
and people are on the brink of starvation
what can you do?
what can i do?

like i love my nike running shoes cause they really do make the best running shoes/running attire (the dri fit stuff is amazin especially in the rain)
but knowing, can i buy?
maybe someday i'll be brave enough to make the leap
however in terms of impact to the environment, running is pretty low ie versus people who four wheel in national forests dont get me started
now that have bike really try to take it everywhere.
seriously with the gas prices, pedal power folks
imagine if instead of cars, there were bikes everywhere
how much more peaceful healthy happy
ok sounding preachy time to sign off

happy friday everyone, go celebrate!!
and cause im listening to bob,
my fear is only my carriage
so ive got to push on thru
thats what im gonna do
everythings gonna be alright
no woman no cry
hee hee the suns back out
;)

temporary blindness

or insanity? try to make this short and sweet, lost contacts, then finally broke glasses beyond repair. so since saturday have been wandering around a very blurry world, kept myself inside for safety reasons, not the most graceful with sight. was convinced today my contacts would come. but they didnt. so had a very interesting walk to my aunts house. always fun to walk up a driveway please please let this be the right house. the closeness of my face to this screen right now for example is humorous to my fellow housemates. just lucky none of them has taken it upon themselves to take a picture
so ive learned what it woulda been like to live in a world without glasses or contacts. for short sighted people horrible. which brings up a question, how did these genes survive? in a less civilized world i woulda been in serious danger for my life. shouldnt cavemen with this eyesight simply not made it? the dark ages, medieval times? unless in kissing distance i cant tell who you are. survival of the fittest?
anyways hoping and praying the lenses come tommorrow. got serious cabin fever. of course the weather's been halfway decent

thank you

Last Sunday morning, the sunshine felt like rain.
The week before, they all seemed the same.
With the help of God and true friends, I've come to realize,
I still have two strong legs, and even wings to fly.
So I, ain't a-wastin time no more.
Thanks to you it will be done
Mmm, I'm telling you now, The greatest thing you ever can do now,
Is trade a smile with someone who's blue now, It's very easy just...

-mix of allman bros/led zep

so say if you never got it right, never found your way home, never found out what could and what should be, where would you end? how do you know truly if you've done the right thing, if the direction you desire is moving forward, is progress? is it all
an act
christ do i gotta be like that

so if

he doesnt call does that really mean he's not into you?
couldnt he have forgotten how great and wonderful you are?
yeah it sounds silly
im just so reluctant to put the future of my romantic life in the hands of a man. Yet it seems that by persuing to persue, ok persuing men im actually only insuring that there is no future
i know im always late . . but i hate waiting, not knowing when we are going to finally start to move on. double standard i know but i dont know anyone who doesnt have at least one. not that i should use that as an excuse. i shouldnt.
ok i forgot what i was typing about.
tommorrow im going to see sonic youth and the chemical brothers and i cant wait. i will dance away with my broken glasses, mam forgot to order my contact lenses, and i cant pick out new frames by myself such a dilemma. it shall be memorable. everything is already set.
just finished franny and zooey by jd salinger. shine your shoes for the fat lady, be funny for the fat lady.
great book.
ciauo

not a huge fan of poetry but

like this one

I'm sorry love.
Not long ago you were a demi-god.
I'm trying to pinpoint when
the accident of your humanity occurred

and

Lord, protect me
from last times and if you cannot
protect me from last times protect me
from knowing. Take everyone
suddenly, close the gate
suddenly, Tell me nothing
-helen farish

what a day

so get this weird package in the mail. and its my little pink book! that id thought id lost. apparently it was found by a cyclist in a bus lane on the city side of the N81 just before the M50/Tallaght roundabout.
whch is very very odd cause thats miles away, i couldna gotten there 'cept by car, im not even sure what road the N81 is.
Thnak you then to S.McLoughlin. Very much appreciated.
So relieved finally have pretty much everyones address again. Not much else to report, been studying, trying to get room back together, have clothes and stuff all over the house. Nice enough yesterday that i got some sun sitting outside. oh this is dull

i love you

and in the end

the love you take is equal to the love you make

sorry late 60'a flashback tho i was barely even alive. u dont want me to get all biological here, nonetheless life is beautiful and amazing

i mean do you feel it? feel life runnin through your heart and mind and bones and muscles, your eyes reading this, your response to whats been read, its all there and why oh why are we so afraid of it? why oh why are we so scared of ourselves?

principle law of the universe, energy can only been created, not destroyed
so im here, not going anywhere anytime soon
maybe thats your worst nightmare
ach well

so you think you can tell? heaven from hell?
imagine all the people living life for today
who lives for today? are we all not caught up in this silly game of consumerisim, more stuff i repeat i need more stufff

why fair city

the race is on

Zeno's paradox
Achilles couldn't overtake a tortoise having allowed it a head start.
Every time Achilles gets to where the tortoise is, the tortoise will have moved on, however slightly, making it logically impossible for Achilles to catch up.

living by the book

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
1. Be impeccable with your word
This means speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid either using your word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

very hard to do. all the times i poke fun at my faults and missteps am i laughing inside, the people i feel ive a right to judge and categorize, the ones who did me some horrible wrong so horrible i cant really remember what it was, that guy you know him well guess what i heard about him . .

2. Don't take anything personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinion and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

can i really tell you about my reality, how it differs from yours? how i act, what i do and say, is a reflection of this? that if i speak to hurt to cause pain, is it not because i am in pain, i am hurting?

3. Don't make assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness or drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

when was the last time i asked how are ya, and meant it, how are you, deep down, are your dreams still the same, are you still the same person, do you see the world in the same way, am i just holding onto this ancient idea of who are you, assuming that you haven't changed or worse assuming things that i never asked the question to, never looked for a proper answer from you. when was the last time i did this with myself?

4. Always do your best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.

hardest for me. really really scared of doing my best. cause what if my best isnt all the things ive imagined it to be what if i amnt as smart, as good a daughter and friend, as ambitious, as fast a runner, as passionate, as devout, as willing to go the distance for my ideals, as i want to be?. what if my best still isnt good enough? but not doing my best leads to regret, self-judgement, and yes self-abuse.

argh. who wants to be so feckin self aware anyway? believe theres a football match on tv. its sunny for once better try and catch some sunshine. need to go to town to buy all those necessities like makeup. gotta get the saturday papers. got an invite to relax on a patio somewhere. engagement party to go to tonite.
maybe i'll just go buy this book. read the whole thing and see what happens.

right

so i cant get this to do what i want, i cant make new links, or make the pictures go away
besides that tonite was well
i went out to meet an italian. running horribly late as usual almost a test if ya can put up with my lateness on the first date well . .
and it was really weird cause i didnt think people did that any more you know date. you get a group of friends together and meet up with his group of friends and then see where the night takes you.
so i was nervous didnt know what to expect what to wear? very confusing
after he cooked me pasta and poured some lovely red wine and showed me pictures of his house in the countryside and where he used to live in rome, made italian coffee, then on the drive home he kept looking at me and saying bella! well more than that but my spelling in english is atrocious nevermind other languages
and very importantly made sure i was inside before driving off. so small yet crucial
ah just the romance of it all. felt like something out of a book
yet im so cynical this is so sad but because it was all so nice its like i cant believe its true. does that make sense?
as if it would be easier to believe that it was all an act, the art of seduction fine tuned, me falling under the spell

greetings

so tryin oh so hard, to get technically with it, spent the best part of today tryin to figure out how to make links etc. eoin my brother is mystified, why have you been on the computer so long? so what is this whole thing about what is this need to reach out and tell people all about whats going on. why did i spend forever going through the friendster thing trying to find people like me? when did hometown and place of birth become so important?
i say this or type while blind, ive lost my contacts and my glasses are broken, thus i am only helping reinforce my squint lines on my forehead that make me consider for just a second botox
but if its bad eyesight thats given me the forehead wrinkle line, isnt it ok to fix? its not like erasing laugh lines
must go been staring at the computer screen for way too long

60th anniversary

so 60 years today an atomic bomb dropped on hiroshima.
have to ask have the lessons gone unheeded?
are we not living under one looming mushroom cloud?
did you remember? cause i didnt till i read the paper and the articles about the people who'd survived and somehow after bouts of cancer are still alive today and their dismayal at how it seems the rest of the world, and their own government even has forgotten.
"Every year I come to pray that nobody else will have to experience what we did," says survivor Tsunao Tsuboi
what else is there to say?
my whole family plus a bizillion other aunts uncles, the harts from england, parents friends and their kids are here at the house and me and eoin are a little taken aback.
i borrowed a pair of deirdre's shoes supposedly without her permission, and her response was, naturally, to get all my clothes ( moved outta my room cause my parents are here) to hide some, then put the rest in the bath and drench them with water.
ahh family.
poor amy was here to deal with the drama she was a bit shocked dont think anyone's see my temper like that for a long time. i lost it.
so i was so glad to have her here. just as ive been to have everyone, lucy, annie, rach. though lucy needs to come back cause the house has changed so.
cause its like the book i read the rules of africa, that the place you spent those formative years leave a mark on you and part of you, you just cant explain, people have to see you in your natural environment. with your people. and your ways. the little traditions. like kissing and hugging people you meet. i went back to the states, tried to do the same and got this look from some people like i was trying to make out with them.
so i doubt anyone checks this blog anymore cause im so bad at it. and ive what had one post so far?
but im going to be better, i came home to not one but 2 computers and im trying to get a microphone so i can make international calls for free
if anyone has aol instant messaging, let me know and we can set up dates.
you may say im a dreamer